When Love Elects and a Price Is Paid: A Journey Through the Divine Betrothal
In the world of the Bible, marriage was more than a romantic union—it was a covenantal bond, steeped in ritual, symbolism, and promise. The Jewish custom of marriage, especially the betrothal phase, paints a vivid portrait of God’s redemptive plan for humanity. Jesus and the apostles often spoke of the Church as the bride of Christ, not merely as metaphor, but as a powerful theological reality that draws its meaning from these ancient customs. In this article, we explore the betrothal stage as a divine allegory for our election, redemption, and the present season of longing and anticipation.
The Initiation: The Father Chooses the Bride
In traditional Jewish culture, the process of marriage often began with the initiative of the groom's father. It was he who chose the bride for his son, sometimes with the help of a matchmaker, and began the negotiation process. This selection was not random or thoughtless; it involved discernment, honor, and the willingness to enter into covenant.
In the divine parallel, God the Father initiates the process of salvation by choosing a bride for His Son, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 1:4 tells us that God "chose us in Him before the foundation of the world." This concept of divine election lies at the heart of the gospel—we are not saved by accident or coincidence, but by the loving initiative of God.
This doctrine, however, has long stirred theological tension. The Arminian view holds that God's election is based on His foreknowledge—He chooses those whom He foresees will freely respond to His grace. In contrast, the Calvinist position sees election as unconditional—not based on any foreseen merit or decision, but purely on God's sovereign will.
How does this tension map onto the marriage allegory? If, as the Arminian view posits, God elects based on foreknowledge of the bride's acceptance, then the bride's consent plays a pivotal role. However, one might argue that in the Jewish model, the father doesn't choose based on what the bride might do—he chooses because of his love and commitment to his son. This nuance seems to lean more toward the Calvinistic portrait of election, yet the bride still has the responsibility to receive or reject the proposal. The mystery of divine sovereignty and human response remains, but the image of betrothal underscores the intentionality and love behind our being chosen.
The Bride Price: A Costly Covenant
Once the bride had been chosen, the next step in the process was the offering of the bride price (Hebrew: mohar). This was no casual gesture—it was a significant sum paid by the groom to the bride's family as a demonstration of his commitment, and of the value he placed upon her.
The New Testament reveals that Christ, our Bridegroom, paid the ultimate bride price: His own life. Peter writes, "You were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold... but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ" (1 Peter 1:18-19).
This payment was not transactional but sacrificial. It demonstrated the immeasurable worth of the bride in the eyes of the groom, and the costliness of the covenant being entered. The cross is both the place where the penalty for sin was paid and the stage upon which the Groom declared: You are worth everything to Me.
The Covenant: Sealed but Not Yet Consummated
With the agreement made and the price paid, the couple entered into a betrothal, a legally binding covenant. Though they were not yet living together or physically united, they were already husband and wife in the eyes of the law. To break this bond would require a formal divorce.
This mirrors the state of the believer today. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 11:2, "I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ." The Church is already Christ's Bride, bound to Him by covenant, even though the final union is yet to come.
The already-not-yet dynamic of salvation is beautifully pictured here. We are saved, chosen, redeemed, and sealed—yet we are also waiting for the full consummation of that salvation at the return of Christ. Hosea's prophetic words echo this betrothal imagery: "I will betroth you to Me forever... in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion" (Hosea 2:19).
The Vows: The Promises of the Groom
In many Jewish betrothal ceremonies, the groom would make solemn promises to the bride. These were more than poetic expressions; they were legal and relational commitments, expressing what kind of husband he intended to be.
Likewise, Christ made promises to His Bride that shape our entire spiritual identity and hope:
- "I go to prepare a place for you" (John 14:2-3): Like the Jewish groom who would return to his father's house to prepare a room for his bride, Christ promised to prepare an eternal dwelling for us.
- "I will come again and receive you to Myself" (John 14:3): The betrothal is not the end of the story; the Groom is returning.
- "No one can snatch them out of My hand" (John 10:28): A promise of security, underscoring the permanence of the covenant.
- "I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20): Though physically absent, His spiritual presence remains constant.
These vows are not conditional on our performance, but on His character. They reveal a Groom who is faithful, protective, and longing for union.
And what of the bride's promise? In the Jewish custom, her primary responsibility was to prepare, remain faithful, and keep herself pure. Her life was now oriented around her coming groom. So too with the Church—our fidelity is not shown by mere words, but by a life of readiness, obedience, and hope.
The Token: The Cup and the Spirit
At the betrothal meal, it was customary for the groom to offer a cup of wine to the bride. If she drank from it, she signaled her acceptance of the covenant. Jesus, during the Last Supper, lifted a cup and said, "This cup is the new covenant in My blood" (Luke 22:20).
Moreover, in the Jewish marriage context, the groom would often send a gift to the bride—a token of the covenant, and a reminder of his love while they were apart. Spiritually, this is the Holy Spirit, given to us as a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance (Ephesians 1:13-14).
Though we won’t explore the Holy Spirit's role in depth here—that belongs to the next article—it is important to note that He is not only a comforter but a covenantal seal, reminding the Bride that she is not forgotten.
The Departure: The Groom Prepares a Place
Following the betrothal, the groom would return to his father's house to build a room or an addition for his bride. This could take up to a year. During this time, he would be out of sight, but never out of mind.
In John 14, Jesus echoes this custom almost verbatim: "In My Father's house are many rooms... I go to prepare a place for you." His return is not in question—only the timing. The Groom will come back. The waiting Bride must remain expectant.
The betrothal teaches us that our salvation is not merely about forgiveness, but about union. It reminds us that we are not orphans, nor abandoned fiancées. We are the betrothed of the King.
Conclusion
The betrothal period in ancient Jewish marriage wasn't a vague engagement or a casual arrangement. It was a covenant, a setting-apart, and a declaration of destiny. Through it, we begin to understand the weight and wonder of our salvation.
We have been chosen by the Father, purchased by the blood of the Son, and sealed with the Spirit. Though our Groom is away, His promises hold fast. The covenant is in place. The room is being prepared. The Groom will return.
Let the Bride make herself ready.